A directory of disgust: Nike Should Start Paying Me....

I didnt know which to use for an introduction so i chose to use both.

1st Intro:
Nike Should start paying for all the money ive spent buying their expensive sweat shop labour clothes and their events i've covered in my not so coveted blogs.

2nd Intro:
Nike, Coca-Cola, Starbucks, Adidas, Microsoft, Sweat X. Like DJ Sbu, said “ I’m a brand monger, I make R100 000 a year and my voice sounds like a broken second hand vocoder.”

This past Friday was the Launch of the Nike Ari Max in South Africa, which is the only decent Nike sneaker out right now ever since the Japanese and dudes in Cape Town made dunks look like they’re strictly for the gay crowd and people who drink their own pee. The event went down at the old Carlton Centre Ice Rink, which I must say is quite a suave little venue, kind of reminds me of my apartment in Kosovo.

Sweat X headlined the event and alongside were some DJ’s I think were C-Live, Euphonik or DJ Monde, regardless of who they are, them boys had too many girls around them so I got jealous and I consciously decided not to cover them. Musicians need to share with the media, give me the groupies and I’ll make sure no one writes bad comments about you on Facebook. So okay Pussy Ole’s…lets DO IT!

Melville Nike Store Head Honcho, Sanele and Sweat X rapper Spoek Mathambo practicing their facial cadences for the night, watch carefully from here on how Spoek's face gradually transfroms into a smorgasboard of rap poses.

Sweat X get Dumb Nice!! their new set is well worth the long wait, their 187 E.P. looks promising and so does Spoek's future prospects of getting a decent barber. I think the new songs will attract more than "fashion designers and fags", Marcus Wormstorm's new beats remind me of canned peaches dipped inside Jack Daniels whiskey.

SHOWER!!!

AND NOW FOR THE BEST PART...THE SERF MEETS THE PEASANT.

1.These girls are my new friends...Candice(The blonde one), all thats missing from her cute gaping mouth is my .........special curry made from a secret jasmine and masala sauce. lovely!

2.I really wish i could remeber this girls name,and i know its not Ping, but it might be Rozzane...that guy was afraid to kiss her cause his date was actually Miss South Africa, Tansey Coetzee.

3.Blow my whistle!!For real, i'm a girl watcher/washer, wash the girls go bye..bye,bye, bye...

4. The Nike girl....she was working at the event, at first she started off cold and just straight up acting like she'd just took a shit after swallowing broken glass but as the night progressed and she started enjoying the free liquor her inner beauty and radiance came out in full force. you go girl!! Too bad she doesnt fuck peasants. thank god i'm not one!

5.Elton John meets Brenda Fasie

6. Kagiso Lediga
Funny story, when i was still living in Lesotho we had a gardener named Ntate Takalimani, he used to wrk in the mines and grew weed in my mothers garden...a few years later his leg was amputated. He looks exactley like Kagiso Lediga, like a drunken horse with a Moses beard.

7.The guy on the left is a displaced(homeless bum) member of the gay community who is also a fashion designer who makes clothes out of used toilet paper. The guy on the right's name is Mumsy(i kid you not) and he is Dr. Mandla's brother( from the hit t.v soap Generations).he's lucky his nose doesnt look like a flattened mushroom.

8. Coloured Folks...what more can i say? i dont want to get shanked. but i think the guy who doesnt have the fancy cut used to be in Ricky and Ricardo.

9.That Drunk fellow who likes like Nasty Jack who is trying to molest Spoek was a bit of nuisance. The idiot pissed on my leg in the bathroom and i did the same right back to him...thats when he started claiming he was part of the rhyming allegiance of the ANC and saying he was rolling deep in the Eastern Cape...but of course he wasnt rolling deep. As you can see spoek really looks disturbed in that choke hold.