AS THE WORLD BURNS

Apparently we have 100 months to save the planet from the fiery depths of global warming and other nasty evils we have created throughout history, according to some guys with lab coats and thin French moustaches.

That’s scary but what’s scarier is that I have 3 months to save my life. I don’t have an exotic disease that requires an adventure into the Amazon jungle to obtain the antidote; my code alert is to save the planet that is my future and what I plan on doing after I graduate this year. A planet far worse than Mars or The Planet of The Apes.

The world is not big enough for me and my qualms with it. I don’t see why I should be forced to buy a hybrid car just because large corporations that rule the world want to increase productivity and thus ultimately suck the earth dry like a starving child surgically attached to Dolly Parton’s chest. So what can we do? We can recycle and buy unleaded petrol at exorbitant rates, but that’s not good enough for the grandiose big ball of blue matter we call home.

Now we have to build our houses out of a mixture of compressed yak guts and walrus droppings. So what have you done for me lately planet Earth? Where you were when my parents were asking me what am I going to do next year? Isn’t that a good time to start an earth quake just to divert the conversation elsewhere? I bet a tsunami would have put an end to the xenophobic attacks, because black people don’t do well with water, we’d work together to build an arc and sail to the Netherlands just to see what it feels like to take the old spice route created by the Dutch East India Company.

The “natural” order of the earth has basically gone to Lake “Go Kill Yourself” and we’re all cordially invited to bring our swimming costumes along, for the murkiest swim of our lives.

You could be selfish like me and only worry about yourself and the close one’s around you or you could make blockbuster movies like Al Gore that illustrate how were destroying the planet, whilst his Lear Jet sputters more carbon monoxide than Chinese factories.

That is not a stereotype about Chinese people by the way, because black people have never been called polluters apart from the sound pollution that is FUNKY DEEP HOUSE music, because if you didn’t know by now, Chinese people are black too, and some Chinese restaurants have even started to serve chop-suey with pap.

The simple fact here is that the Earth will always destroy itself like it has since the beginning of time in one way or the other, that and Aids is the only thing that is promised in this world. My best bet is just to live your life according to what ever prerogative suits you the most, whether it’s saving the Earth or just washing your car every Saturday before getting ready to drink and drive.

The early bird who gets the worm works for somebody that comes in late and owns the worm farm. We are all worms, lets get used to it, the Earth owns us and there so many different species of birds out there that we’re basically and unfortunately by the natural order of things pretty much screwed. The birds need us for food and the earth needs us to nourish it with our tiny particles of faeces. All we can do with our slimy selves is just keep on borrowing until another Pangaea surfaces that we can ruin all over again.

SPACEVEIN