Zuma Gooding Snr

I'm really hoping that they release a movie on Jacob Zuma's life...he already has an album for Umshiniwam coming out. fingers in the pie baby...dont get it wrong, i'm not a fan but if i was the casting agent for the Zuma Epic film, i'd choose Cuba Gooding Jr to play Zuma. Just get him to put on a little bit of weight and its all good. Maybe get Tyler Perry or Mel gibson to direct it.

BLACK AND WHITE CITY

BLACK AND WHITE CITY



This is a blog me and my niggy Rob are working on, still in its rough stage but its going to get better once i'm on vacation and the Ladies man pulls out the bermuda shorts, leather sandals, peroxide and vaseline on the broads. First installment is a tale from Cape Town by Rob.

He's a plumpy Irish guy from the endz who feels entitled to be called black just because his best rhyme say's " i control the mic like a KFC drumstick".

Untill recentley Rob had never hooked up with a white girl before....he is a very serious guy when it comes to busting nuts and gentrification.

Its stories from Cape Town and Johannesburg...the citadels of contrasts.

And i know what some of you lil general knowledge loving twits are going to say i'm biting from the show Rob and Big Black...the one with Rob Dyrdek and his obese pig black body guard shaving his ass and what not....Me and my niggy Rob are the originals, and the difference between us the MTV cocksuckers is that the white man is riding on my coat tails!


NOT ME NIGGA! I'M NOT THE ONE GEECHIE.

High School High

The worst and best years of my life...Public school life, uniforms..shorts in the summer....urrrghh..disgusting, but i still kept it gully though, i got detention cause my shorts and jersey were too baggy! Fuck you Mr.Bridger! and Fuck You principal Roy Gordon, we all know you beat your wife and feed chunks of dead black people to your alsatian dog, King. Bloemfontein...what a pit. kool in its own way though.

Thats me with the mini afro(no shit!)with the retarded bboy pose. The other dude is my homie Warren, right now he's in a coma after his crib caught got burnt down while he was still asleep inside. breathed in too much smoke..homies been in a coma since 2002/2003. Stay up holmes.


These pics were taken on a disposable camera by my friend Bryan...i think we were in the 8th or 9th grade...thats me on the left flipping the bird with a downs syndrome smile...the dude who has his pants off is Mark Dunn. Quite a character, his feet smelt like Rwanda and he used to jerk off in public places. His excuse was " ive got a big dick, why should i hide it?" sicko. I used to be the smut peddler in my hostel, he was my loyal customer, but he kept busting nuts on my magazines and thats when i had to close down the shop...plus the advent of DVD's was killing the porno mag trade.



Just laxing by the fields...this was probably during break time...the dark brother sitting on the chair is Johnny Danso, people used to call him tit head...and they also called him the zulu cowboy, even though he was half Xhosa and half Ghanaian. The other nigga who has his thumbs up next to Johnny is Eugene. The smartest nigga in the class( and yes, smarter than the whiteys too!)...he recently came out the closet and is rumored to be the head guy at an accounting firm some where. We just used to think he was just really organised and a neat freak...but nah, he's just a fag.Nigga wears lip gloss. His older brother is also gay...whoa! pop dukes must be buggin!



This was in the 11th grade at a dance or social at the sister school, St Michaels...i was so much better looking those days, thats me in the back row on your far left...i still didnt get any action that night probably....but i might have locked tongues with Natalie...i cant remeber...damn...Natalie.


Grade 12 leavers dinner...drank alot of cheap wine that night..RIP to my niggy Ryan Holmes, thats the second white guy on the right. Love you Fool!


I used to be a graffiti writer...tags were Sprinkllz,Kwame,Space,Rape,ink crew and some others ive forgotten...i sucked though. But i think i was one of the first bombers in Bloemfontein, this was round 1999-2000 when i started.


My niggy for life and roomate in the 12th grade, Clinton Foster. He's in Australia now..i got a lot of war stories with him, he introduced me to weed, ecstacy, Autumn Harvest and having no mercy on human beings. Clinton is one thugged out white boy...I'd love to say more but i dont want to get us arrested. The day this pic was taken was the day of booger sugar. Jesus. We used to go gold chain shopping!


2008..This is at Ryan's funeral.RIP. One of the guys in this picture is a rapist, can you guess who? i'm not saying any names.


BIG SPACE KING OF THE PROM

DJ BETTER PULL IT UP!

Big,Big ,Big, Big shouts to the supreme lady of dubstep and everything else butter on the dancefloor, FUNAFUJI!! NOW THATS a DJ if youve never seen one before.

Been getting some responses from people who were out at Earth Dance who heard her play my dubplate(Stoopish) and also saturday at Fiction(Cape town). Thanks for the support, champagne and lobster is on my tab when i splash CPT in November.

Big ups to Fuji again, go check out her myspace and show some love you bitches! and look out for the Big Space FunaFuji special coming out soon.

SPACEVEIN

YOUNG BOHEMIANS

Woop Woop! i dont get much press so you know how stoked (stoked enough to say stoked!) i am to see this, big shouts to the Young Bohemians...This is the first review done on Big Space (the SL mag thing dont count, that was a one song profile).

Cant even enjoy my victory properly cause i got so much school grinding to do! fuck the Wits university journalism department! SpaceVein said it!( Just Joking if i ever need to reference this or get a rasclaat job some where.

Read it here! Young Bohemians

Your Funky Breath

My ears are definetly starting to redefine themselves. So last night i finally downloaded Marcus Nasty and DJ Mak 10's(the original N.A.S.T.Y CREW members and grime pioneers) 2 hour set on Rinse FM and its nothing short of huge.

The download took an hour and a half...never in my life would i have thought i would wait that long for something housey. But its not house, they call it "Funky"(I'm still trying to get past that name).

I've never really been a house fan, but the type of sound Marcus is throwng down is more grimier, ala Pretoria's Mujava.(www.myspace.com/mujava) Essentially it sounds like house but the bass lines and melodies are more inclined to a grime and garage sound whilst the drums are ghetto minimal at its finest. Like they said about our own Local hero Mujava(who just got ssigned to Warp) "minimaly raw yet strangely sophisticated". Its like house music from 1994 but futureristic.

" i dont know what to call this music but i just know its messy"- Mack 10 say's it best on the mix...it really is quite hard to define.

House fans, feel free to correct me or inform if anything i have just said is bullshit.

The Marcus Nasty and Mak 10 mix is for free download right here

things start to get really crazy after about 50.00mins...at 59:00mins its ultra mega, the pull up is insane.


www.myspace.com/marcusnasty

Coming To America

Big shouts to my niggy Rob for these pics, this is definetely a good reason to move to America. I heard the rats there have Diners cards. Even cripples can get their gout on and jerk off whilst using mustard as lubrication. This shit is EPIC. Heaven dun, heaven.








AND IT GETS BETTER











AND WHATS BEST, ITS REAL...WWW.HEARTATTACKGRILL.COM

Geechie Space Gout.

Moonshine, King Of The Monkey's

Watched this last night, its still a classic...The original A Few Good Men without Tom Cruise's batty boy ass sniffing nose.

Sgt Waters(the mean yellow midget nigga)is one of my favourite characters that i hate. I dig how he calls the other black soldiers "geechie".


Denzel cracked this one right open...shit makes me want to lynch some white folks ASAP!



GEECHIE SPACE

The Blue Ball Bull Pay Back Part 2

Okay leandre, so here my rants will finally end...errmm...yes...i can only imagine how scary this must look to you, its like you almost(if not) have a stalker, i could only imagine how painfully boring it was listening to my " how are you doing? how was your weekend?" talk. I Didnt mean to stand you up or call you a "bitch". Can a brother get some closure up in this muhfucker? i feel like this child down here knowing that i fucked up a chance i never even had....I'm literally crying over spilt breasts milk that doesnt even come from my Mama's tits.




Youre too cool miss Enigma! wish you were here in the holiday of my mind! All my fans would love to meet you! bring your shades and a can of tuna in case you get hungry. And as the some gay Brits might say, Toodlo and tata!

SpaceVein is Not Feeling like the Ladies Man right now.

The Blue Ball Bulls Pay Back

In MY LAST post before this i silently evaded the issue as to why i got stood up at the bar like my swagger was leprosy. I think it may be pay back for one of the many crushes i've had in my long but seemingly short life. Lets rewind to Cape Town, dont know if it was 2007 or 2006...i dont even know why its pay back, i've already suffered for it. Sometimes a LADIES MAN
may stumble and fall if his dick is too big and he accidentally steps on it.

Her name was and still is Leandre...we have nothing in common...i once wrote about her in a short story but fictionalised her enigma to a loose abstraction of my anger, lust and maybe even tainted love(its called Iron Horse, find it here under the blog section www.myspace.com/spacevein)

...she could never be so sinister, or could she? were in the same classes since day one..and even when i dropped Film for Law, she did the same thing, and when i failed Law she did the same thing...I'm like come on baby! now theres a pattern here..youre copying my moves...i dig your moves, your hips dont lie like Shakira's booty sweat. You dont have to say a thing, my eyes will be your lips and curiosity will be your words.



But it was during those days when i was studying law that my obsession with the fair toned enigma erupted into a cancer of my mind. I would sit behind her and look at her neck, wishing i could grab at it and say

"dot, dot, dot,
line,line, line,
theres some thing crawling down your spine
tight squeeze
slight breeze( Then blow on her neck)
and now you got the shivaries"

I would make jokes about you to my friends Dmtri and Ayanda , but they both i knew i wanted to swim in the celestial pond of her innocence and menthol mcigarrete aroma whilst basking in the ambience of my ignorance, till this day i think she liked Dmtri better, because Dmtri gets bitches standard.

Was leandre supposed to go off with Dmtri and i'm left with Anjuli(Silver Fox) and Erica(papa wemba)?this would not work for me...i really like dig your like accent...I've never liked anyone from durban before, did she ever eat those pineapples on a stick covered in curry? Like so totally fcuking fucked up how like guys are so like totally fucked fucked up.



Was i supposed to suppress my jungle sotho desires over this? No, i did not, Dmtri wasnt interested in her..he thought she was a confused coloured girl who thought she was white (and besides, i silently let him have puke face British Judy, he owed this one to me)...

i felt her inner turmoil...i thought of ways to TRY to tell her to read Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man in order to help with her issue without getting all up in her panty grill and private affairs...this may not be her issue, but whatever it was, i was willing to eat it up with a spoon, a long ear drum chorus, a pack of dunhill lights and maybe even a condom.

Me and the crew used to always have debates about aids..like what we'd do if we found out we had aids and which celebrities we'd still have sex with if they had aids and what not. One day Leandre overheard our heated discussion and she heard me say i'm too scared to get a HIV test(i knew i was negative though,i just wanted my war stories to be gory), you laughed and you said you were a virgin and you didnt need to. I believed you, i didnt beleive her, you and her make my point of view shift like a marble in a can of half drank guinness.

I remeber one day when i was having a cigarette outside the law library, she was standing outside too with a pink top and her hair was slapping her face gently to the sound of that oh so familiar Cape Town wind. I sat next to her and talked about school,politics and Tom Cruise's appearance on Oprah, then i got a sweet whiff of her perfume courtesy of that oh so familiar wind, i told her how enchanting she smelt but she shruggged and looked at her feet likw what i said was heresy...slander, libel, blasphemy, disbelief. Leandre did not believe in a Sotho poltergeist.



And then how can we forget the day when she finally gave in and said we should go party some time...we were supposed to meet at Bahgdad Cafe, i got too drunk at Karabo's house on Royal Dutch Beer because we were celebrating the end of our exams, i unfortunately passed out like a gentleman...when i woke up and eventually got to the club, the bouncer wouldnt let me in because according to him " youre too drunk and your emotions are too close to the skin". This motherfucker thinks he's Beth Orton.



We didnt talk for a while after that, i sent you over 4 million text msg's saying i'm sorry..thought it was all over, but no! you failed law too..back to Humanities baby. Here you were famous, your friends increased while mine died, i fought a war with snakes,snails, bitches and shit, but your reign over the Arts faculty continued untill your friends started to look like concubines and lepers. You were trully in charge.

Then later by chance, i met you at Joburg(the club), you were looking very sophisticated with your grey waist coast and your signature cute beret..you were dancing, you were happy. The pope released his doves. I saw you and we hugged for the first time...Everything was good untill my psuedo rap life as re-enacted by my manners ruined my mack life.

Later That night dmtri and the rest of the crew joined me and Leandre, Silver Fox and some other German broad with sub-par english. Leandre was making jokes about how i had aids due to the remark she once heard me make...she wouldnt stop and i got a bit too hip-hop defensive..i said " bitch please".

She got mad, i got embarassed. I got mad. The sewers even spat up a dead cats pancreas. The city went mad. The Porsches werent enough, the champagne tasted like blood and urine but her heair was still auburn and it still talks to me in my sleep sometimes. But alas, i've cutten of my losses and my balls, heres to my past and here's to your future.

Game Over.

THE LADIES MAN(Formally known as the Whipped Man").

Never Trust a Woman's Cup Cakes

So i had a date on Friday with a cute little fish eater and she stood up me up, i guess thats what i get for trying to mess around with married women who get treadmills for their birthday's. Your man needs to chill with all that cock blocking shit...but i'm not the one! i wont be got! no cup cakes for me baby! I'M STILL THE LADIES MAN.

I AM THE LADIES MAN

JeaH bitches! its the ladies man here, coming to you live from the office and the streets of vagina, just getting my work game on...bitches pinching my ass by the photo copy machine and what not, but hey what can i say, I'M THE LADIES MAN.

check me out here, just doing my janitor thang baby...bitches still love me though,this girl here was diggin my mop strokes...her piss smelt a bit funny though. That fat motherfucker in the background is definetely not a LADIES MAN. PAR!




















I'm also an office type nigga,sometimes you just got to let the Zimbabwen's handle the custodian issues innit? Thats me and Elma Smit(the blonde girl), she's the presenter for STUDIO 1,on MK channel(The oppressor's MTV) and also a model for www.starmodels.co.za. What can i say, celebs, broke ho's, crippled shorty's...bring them on baby! i'm the ladies man.



Its the ladies man! send your panties to biznessface23@gmail.com you bitches!!

YOURZ SINCERELY

THE LADIES MAN

They dont make them like they used to...

Sexually suggestive(cunt rap) music is in abundance these days, with the likes of Sweat X, Spank Rock, Necro, Akineyle Spacevein and James Blunt...its quite hard to choose a favourite.(its almost like choosing your favourite porn mag,which is quite hard).

But no one quite does it like Prince, Sheila E and Cameo. Ive got Cameo's Candy on repeat right now. Prince and Sheila E's Erotic city is a cunt rag wetting classic...every time i hear i just want to break into an all girl boarding school and steal some panties to sniff when i get at home.







Mc's act like they dont know, get that doo-rag out your anus and go talk to some girls!!

$paceVein

DIGGIN IN THE SPACE

Some old pics that i was too busy to put up earlier...Johannesburg is too boring right now, but the summer girls are looking good. big up to you!!





Coloured girls having a dance...those are some Russian Ballet moves baby..the girl in the hoodie started to scrump later on in the night, things got kinda weird...nothing better than seeing heavy set girls having a good time though.






Kold produk retards...i dont understand why Levis give a fuck about these dudes, i dont understand why anyone does actually. The rapper has the same swagger as Will Smith, the DJ is a fat jewish guy who makes alot of noise when he scratches, and to top it off, you got two modern dancing fags in corporate hoodies(looks like you get them for free at a office party) while wearing batty boys masks that resemble phallic breating appendiges.



Spoek and F-EEZy



Los Angeles rapes young South Africans.(The dark skinned guy is Flavour flav's illegitimate south african son)





Bokeem Woodbine and Lil Flavour Flav have a smoke with Dubplate Daniel.



Snack time goodnite.



Hip-Hop Domestic violence, here's the Hymphatic Thabs being beaten up by his girl friend. nice little melee..







Untill next time, have a good summer and go fuck yourself...check out my banging evil summer anthem here, www.myspace.com/spacevein

Big Space